do you ever have those really vivid dreams? the ones that are so normal, and so real, when you wake up you go "WHA?!?" i had one of those last night. it was awesome! here is what i remember...
1. it was summer time and i was at Obon/J-town.
2. food was everywhere and it was awesome.
3. there was shave ice. red shave ice.
4. i had a brand new made for me Yukata... it was white and had little colorful bobby pins printed all over it. i also had a red Obi and some brand new zori. (since it was hot there was no need for tabi!)
5. Taiko! (little known fact: when i first hear taiko, no matter where i am, i feel like crying, i am so happy)
it was the best dream i have had in a long time. it was so good, in fact, that when i really woke up, and realized that i am no where near any of that goodness, i proceeded to cry and go back to sleep. i know i complain a lot about how i don't like living in Virginia, and it all sounds so boo hoo baby of me, but it's been really hard on me here. So Cal is a most forgiving place, and it accepts all kinds, and even there sometimes i feel like a sore thumb. so, one can only imagine the isolation i feel here. i just hope that this is our "penance duty station", and we are made to live here so we can appreciate where we have been, and where we are going... and i pray that we are getting out of here.
on another note, the wee dragon ball is moving around. started yesterday. continued tonight... and so it begins...
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
WHA...?!?!
the other day i went to costco... it was like every other time i go to costco. i have kitty in the front of the cart, and jake in the main part, and we weave in and out of slow old people as fast as we can, eating as many free samples as we can. then we check out, and go to the bathroom, and then hit up some pizza and hot dogs. this time there was a family of 6 next to us. the kids that weren't on hand held games were crawling around on the floor (gross!) while the dad waited for their pizza to be done, and mom looked at some wrinkled paper for 10 minutes. i guess she finally had enough of the gross floor crawling and she kind of snapped. then she looked around to see who saw her snap. everyone. she went back to looking at her paper, and the huz came back with pizza, and floor crawlers started to eat, without even wiping their hands...
in the mean time, kitty was starting to go bonkers. she had enough sitting, and old people, and costco. it was fine til she slipped off the seat. she landed on her butt at the same time paper reading mom was snapping. i picked kitty off the floor, and told her, very calmly, that there is a reason to listen to me, and that reason is because i know better. the old people next to us were very... "wow! you sure have it under control... blah blah." i didn't think it was fair to paper mom. i have snapped too. a lot. snapped where i knew for sure my kids would never forgive my screaming, where for sure my husband would divorce me for the poison spewing out my mouth... so i said "i feel the same way with my kids sometimes..." and they say, "but you don't have so many!" and i say "but i do! i have three and i am working on one more! its a handful but worth it" and they stopped talking to me, and looked away.
i don't get it. so, for them, it's ok to lose your shit with two kids because two is an acceptable number? but FOUR? then i guess its your fault you have so many, and you should deal with it better because you chose this? i don't know... they tripped me out.
at the same time though, i felt like it was a huge compliment to look like i am a non preggo with two kids. it felt nice that they didn't think i looked as crazy and tired and bonkers as i feel.
funny what i think of as a compliment now...
in the mean time, kitty was starting to go bonkers. she had enough sitting, and old people, and costco. it was fine til she slipped off the seat. she landed on her butt at the same time paper reading mom was snapping. i picked kitty off the floor, and told her, very calmly, that there is a reason to listen to me, and that reason is because i know better. the old people next to us were very... "wow! you sure have it under control... blah blah." i didn't think it was fair to paper mom. i have snapped too. a lot. snapped where i knew for sure my kids would never forgive my screaming, where for sure my husband would divorce me for the poison spewing out my mouth... so i said "i feel the same way with my kids sometimes..." and they say, "but you don't have so many!" and i say "but i do! i have three and i am working on one more! its a handful but worth it" and they stopped talking to me, and looked away.
i don't get it. so, for them, it's ok to lose your shit with two kids because two is an acceptable number? but FOUR? then i guess its your fault you have so many, and you should deal with it better because you chose this? i don't know... they tripped me out.
at the same time though, i felt like it was a huge compliment to look like i am a non preggo with two kids. it felt nice that they didn't think i looked as crazy and tired and bonkers as i feel.
funny what i think of as a compliment now...
Sunday, September 11, 2011
ten years ago i wasn't married, didn't have kids, a car or cable. i never saw the towers fall, but i don't need to, to understand the horrors that happened. i listened to the radio, and prayed for everyone. not only the people that were in the towers, or DC, but also the people that had a part in causing the events that unfolded. there is no god that accepts causing pain and death as worship.
i don't have to "never forget" because this is something i will always remember.
i don't have to "never forget" because this is something i will always remember.
Sunday, September 4, 2011
a nice and proper rant...
dear state of virginia,
i hate you. i hate your mosquitoes, and your stupid spiders. i hate your east coast time, and your dumb weather. i hate that you can't even have a proper hurricane, that would at least damage my house enough that i could justify moving to california for the next year or so. i hate that you are annoying... you make the grass grow fast, and the leaves fall faster. i hate that there is nothing cool here, that i can't find somewhere else. i hate that everyone tells me "what about the history?" i could give two shits about the history here. my history is tied to the missions of california, and migrant farm work. i hate parking at the walmart, and how stupid everyone is driving down the wrong way, and throwing their little bottles of empty booze out the window. i hate how i feel like a broken (not just sore) thumb. i hate that you have a crab fest. i hate the mermaids of norfolk, and the dolphins of virginia beach. i hate how you try to be a vacation destination... i would rather go to TJ and risk the drug lords. i hate that no one knows what pan is. i hate that pollo loco closed and that i will have to make tamales if i want to eat them. i hate that you don't have proper tortillas, and salsa verde doritos don't live here.
i tried to give you another chance. really. i came back from 110 degree weather in L.A. and was looking forward to central air.... and that is when it hit me... i missed the things i have here (air conditioning, dishwasher, plentiful hot water) but not where i lived. virginia, you are my penance for not appreciating where i lived everywhere before you. virginia, i will live in the house here, and reside in you, but i will never call you home... i hate you too much. i would rather live in pacoima. i would take my moms house with her seventeen thousand cats, and hot water enough for one shower, if i could. it makes me sad to say that two of my babies will be born here. my hope for them is that this is the worst part of their lives, and that it will only get better, once we get the fuck out of here.
seriously, virginia, fall off into the ocean.
i hate you.
Victoria
i hate you. i hate your mosquitoes, and your stupid spiders. i hate your east coast time, and your dumb weather. i hate that you can't even have a proper hurricane, that would at least damage my house enough that i could justify moving to california for the next year or so. i hate that you are annoying... you make the grass grow fast, and the leaves fall faster. i hate that there is nothing cool here, that i can't find somewhere else. i hate that everyone tells me "what about the history?" i could give two shits about the history here. my history is tied to the missions of california, and migrant farm work. i hate parking at the walmart, and how stupid everyone is driving down the wrong way, and throwing their little bottles of empty booze out the window. i hate how i feel like a broken (not just sore) thumb. i hate that you have a crab fest. i hate the mermaids of norfolk, and the dolphins of virginia beach. i hate how you try to be a vacation destination... i would rather go to TJ and risk the drug lords. i hate that no one knows what pan is. i hate that pollo loco closed and that i will have to make tamales if i want to eat them. i hate that you don't have proper tortillas, and salsa verde doritos don't live here.
i tried to give you another chance. really. i came back from 110 degree weather in L.A. and was looking forward to central air.... and that is when it hit me... i missed the things i have here (air conditioning, dishwasher, plentiful hot water) but not where i lived. virginia, you are my penance for not appreciating where i lived everywhere before you. virginia, i will live in the house here, and reside in you, but i will never call you home... i hate you too much. i would rather live in pacoima. i would take my moms house with her seventeen thousand cats, and hot water enough for one shower, if i could. it makes me sad to say that two of my babies will be born here. my hope for them is that this is the worst part of their lives, and that it will only get better, once we get the fuck out of here.
seriously, virginia, fall off into the ocean.
i hate you.
Victoria
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)