i need a vacation. it has been almost two months since pat is gone. two months of 24/7 kids. there is no "me" time. there is little time to blow off steam. i am beat. soon (i hope) i will have a little bit of help, and in september liz will start kinder and i will have a little break, but that is more than a month away. i just have to wait it out. there will be time to finished unpacking, and cleaning up, and going to the market with only one kid. i think i can... i think i can... i think i can...

i have spoken to pat twice in two days. it makes the day better. i miss seeing him though...

thoughts on being preggo.

so, by now everyone knows i am pregnant (even flange), and i thought i would share some feelings on this particular pregnancy.

this itty bitty little bean inside me is making my body plum loco! and i am having a hard time dealing with it. i feel like i need twenty hours of sleep a day, and to be constantly eating. my blood sugar is known to plummet, and i am reduced to a trembling confused mess of a mom who tends to yell quite easily.

i think the best way to say it is: I am out of control.

i don't know what my body needs (water, a vitamin, nap?), i have lost control of my house (there is stuff everywhere, and it isn't getting any better), i just have no clue.

when i was pregnant with liz, pat was deployed, and i had a job, and some friends, and was fine to come home afterwork, and embroider and eat cold chicken, and watch law and order.
when i was pregnant with jake, pat had a 8-4 job, and would help out around the house, and dutifully bring me jack in the box tacos, and pepsi from taco bell.
now that i am pregnant again, pat is gone, and i have two kids and a dog counting on me to feed them, and know nobody that i would trust to leave my kids with while i get a much needed hair cut.

i miss my husabnd right now. i miss that i could go to target by myself, and that we could trade kids and look at books at the bookstore. i miss his corny jokes, and they way that if i don't want to cook he is more than happy with mexican pizza. i miss that he knows to take the kids to play at the park while i clean up after dinner, and have ten minutes of quiet to myself. i hope the rest of this deployment goes as fast as possible, and that my better half will be home soon. then i might be able to get things under control... at least before this new one comes...

summer is a bummer...

so, i didn't win 133 million dollars yesterday. but i did win 25 bucks today. so i guess it isn't sooooo bad...

son of a...

since pat is gone, and my whole life have been turned upside down, it seems like for everything i need to do, i have to take three or four extra steps. for example... to get an OB appt, i had to go to the worst doctor ever, then cry at the gate to get on base, because my town car rental didn't have stickers, and i forgot my licence at home. and now that i finally got that under control i get a letter in the mail saying that the information they have on record for us doesn't match up, and if i don't fix it, we will have to go to get doctors care back in groton. did you know that groton is in CONNECTICUT and not in virginia? yeah, me too. of all the things that i asked him to do for me, before he left, he said he did this. argh! i am highly annoyed!

puff mama

i don't know if i am retaining fluid, or getting fat, but my wedding ring is uncomfortably tight. it is the worst in the mornings. so i think i must retire it for a bit. i am bummed. it is the one piece of jewerly i wear (until i get pregnant). but i guess creating life is a good trade off. i think i am okay with that...