The holidays are coming. I bought a ham for thanksgiving yesterday. I am thinking of chocolate advent calendars. And I woke up at 3:38 this morning with a need to pee and a bit of depression. Unfortunately I am one of those people that gets melancholy. Don't get me wrong... I LOVE christmas. New years is awesome! But there is always a little bit of sadness too. Too bad for me it came with a bit of insomnia.

Here is to hoping that the return of my husband will outshine the shadow.

yesterday when Liz came home from school, she told me her teacher told her to bring a snickers bar to school tomorrow. so what did i do? i sent her with an orange, and told liz that if her teacher asks her for a candy bar to give her the wee clementine, and tell her to eat some viamin C... that it is flu season, and she immune system could use an orange better than chocolate. we shall see what the teach asks for next. i am ready will all kinds of fruits and how they are better for you than junk. then i will eat the junk that she is asking for....



hahahahhaha!

i am tired.


that is all.

maybe i'm like my mother... she's never satisfied...

okay, so this morning after taking liz to school, and making sure that jake is going to run away, i gathered up all my rubbish, and took the bin out to the street for pick up. it is what i have been doing since pat left, pregnant and all. and then i continued to gather up my recycling, and take that out to the street. i did this while my neighbor watched. as soon as i finished she said to me "if you need help, all you have to do is ask."
i supposed she was trying to let me know that i don't have to do things on my own, but why didn't she help me while i was doing it? why did she wait til i was done? it made me mad! i was raised that if you are on the bus and see an old person, a pregnant lady, or a mom or dad with a baby, you stand up and give them your seat. even if they don't take it, you stand up, just in case they change their mind. if you see ANYONE stuggling with heavy bags, or dropping things, you just help. you don't wait til they finish, and you sure as hell don't wait until they ask you.
now, i'm not saying that i am unable to take the bins out, or that i want help, i just hate the un-neighborliness of my neighbors. granted i don't really want them coming over my house, but i would greatly appreciate it if they would curb their dogs. i doubt i will ever have awesome neighbors like i had in Groton, but i hold on to a small glimmer of hope that one day i might just have one family that lives next to me that is rad.

is that too much to ask?

sure its been a rough night. the heartburn is back. jake won't sleep, there was the bath time incidentS, but i have found what makes me feel better. a little bit more Tori and a lot less Mom.

tonight i changed the drive band, and readjusted my spinning wheel. i also put on the new bobbin i got, and the feeds. all this whilst listening to genius on itunes. nothing like old and new technology coming together in harmony to make everything better.

thank you They Might be Giants, the Breeders, SantoGold, Bjork, and Sonic Youth! i can go on a little longer without my brain oozing out of mine ears!

oh... and Cibo Mato too...

i feel like i am newly pregnant all over again. i have been sleeping early (like 9:30) and can't seem to wake in the morning. food is fighting with my guts, and i just haven't been feeling up to snuff. even as i write this, i am not typing at speed, but rather my fingers are meandering across the keyboard. and i get some strange pains in my side. it could be from carrying jake, but appendicitis is never far from my mind, being the hypochondriac that i am.

i am feeling good that the wee babe is developing well, and that i should be hearing from pat sometime soon.

i just thought i would vent a bit.

20 minutes of reading...

i finally figured out the reason i dislike reading to liz so much... well... some of the reasons...

rarely do i enjoy the books.
i dislike having to make jake sit and listen (i think it takes about the same amount of time)
but the biggest reason is...
ALWAYS in the back of my mind is a hundred other things that need to be done. laundry that needs to be folded, trash that needs to be taken out, the dog that needs in. and reading for twenty minutes is such a non multitasking task, that it drives me bananas! i much prefer to vacuum, or make beds, while doing the laundry and dishes. at least at the end of those twenty minutes there is a tangible difference.
but the reading is so intangible.
i somewhat feel like it is time wasted (although i KNOW its not). it is hard for me to slow down, and appreciate her growing brain, to see that like me (and countless other kids) she has wanted to squeeze all the toothpast out of the tube.
but i have to. i have to slow down.
and although i CAN take care of business in a flash, i need to savor those moments where it is just us, and our love of books.